Healing from Violence Takes Time

The stories that are coming in to us by email are often sad and devastating in their details. We are editing them currently, and will start publishing them soon on this blog, as a record of what people in our community experience. Their testimony. 

The details of the incidents and circumstances are all different from each other, but the common thread is that those who experience violence, abuse and harassment find it a disruptive and demeaning experience in the long term. Reading their personal accounts, in their own words, we see that it takes some time to heal from the damage done to their trust and confidence as well as personal safety by violence inflicted on them. 

The fears, doubts and anxieties associated with the experience distort and damage the shape and quality of their lives. Often when events in the present trigger the memories they carry, they find themselves emotionally paralyzed - unable to act, or not able to respond to events in the present day with their full strength and vitality. The impairment of their capacity to trust also operates to make them cautious in reaching out for emotional connection, and affects their social happiness. 

This unfortunate and debilitating dynamic, developed over time, must be dismantled in order for a person to come to terms with their experiences, recalibrate and balance their mindset, and develop a positive and optimistic approach to the happy experiences that life has to offer. 

To break the continuity of the negative narrative takes commitment. Everyone deserves the right to justice - to recover what Violence has taken from them. Not only in terms of legal cases and police charges, and complaints and penalties and punishments, which are the more official, administrative aspects of the process of prosecuting violence. Today we recognize that the recovery of a human being from experiences of violence is not only physical but emotional, psychological and moral - the recovery of their personal dignity, and their capacity for joy.

Female Anger

People who speak out against violence against women are often described as ‘angry’. Angry feminists. Women warriors. Over-emotional. Out of control. The emotions of anger and frustration they express are not usually seen as a reasonable response to the injustices routinely experienced disproportionately by the female gender. Righteous indignation is something that is not often seen as relevant today.

 As we write this week’s post, we recognize the Hindu festival of Navratri, which honours female energy in the form of the Goddess (Shakti). One of Her aspects/avatars is that of the Goddess Kali, who is often depicted as exacting retribution against those men who unjustly seek to victimize or disrespect women.

 A greater contrast with the stereotypical image of shy, modest, self-effacing womanhood could not be imagined! Kali though is not simply a destroyer of evil; she is a protective mother figure, is responsible for the death of the illusory ego and can also be a powerhouse of unrestrained female sexuality who cannot be tamed. The fluid thought of Hinduism allows for a blending of several characteristics into one incredible figure, a powerful and all-encompassing femininity beyond the often juxtaposed binaries of the "traditional" soft and the "modern" enraged woman of western thought. 

Kali dancing atop Shiva, by Raja Ravi Varma (before 1906)

 In Western culture, a contemporary sculptor, Luciano Garbati has reimagined Medusa, from the stories of Greek mythology. Medusa was a lady with a beautiful face, but whose hair was made of poisonous snakes in a terrible example of victim blaming by Athena. Medusa was raped by Poseidon in Athena's temple in the poet Ovid's version of a much older myth. People who dared to directly look her in the eye were killed by being turned to stone.

 Why was she so malevolent? So angry? So dangerous?

 Medusa petrified (literally) and terrified men, and in the end, according to the legend, one of them used a mirror to turn her to stone and a sword to kill her. In this portrait of the reversal of that outcome, Medusa is shown with no armour or clothing, holding in one hand the head of her enemy.

 

Medusa with Perseus' head by Luciano Garbati 

This statue will be put up in public in the United States, opposite the County Criminal Courthouse at Collect Pond Park in New York, the very courthouse where Harvey Weinstein was recently convicted of multiple assaults on women.

Anger when justified and channelled with good purpose can be a powerful restoring instrument.

***********************************************************************************

Resources:

Why a New Statue of Medusa Is So Controversial

KALI – A MOST MISUNDERSTOOD GODDESS

Loving Paradoxes: A Feminist Reclamation of the Goddes Kali

The MWTH Project

 

The Ongoing Effects of Violence

One of the aspects of sexual violence that people who have been on the receiving end of it understand with great clarity is the ongoing impact it can have on a person’s attitude about themselves and the society they live in. The legal system tends to process incidents on a case by case basis, with an external focus, and treat each case as a ‘one off’: an event which takes place at a certain time and a specific place, and has a starting point and an ending point. The actual lived reality for the victim of violence is much less neat and organized. 

Inside the heart, mind and belief systems of the victim, the harm they have experienced in these incidents is often multi-layered: the assault or violation itself, and the way it and the disrespect they experienced was handled or mishandled or ignored or mocked or diminished by those witnessing it, or who are in charge of receiving and handling the complaints. 

The ongoing effects of trauma are confirmed by clinical psychologists and counsellors, but are often experienced privately, and silently, by the victims themselves, whose path to healing and regaining of personal equilibrium can be a long one. 

Perhaps one of the most stressful long lasting effects of traumatic incidents is the apprehensive attitude victims develop as a result of their experiences of harm: they were hurt, and that fear, shame and humiliation is not something they ever want to experience again. Their anxiety about this is often seen as compulsive, or obsessive, and because it is formed in response to the trauma, may not be easy for others to understand or assist them with.  

People respond, process and deal with the trauma in different ways: some become fearful, over cautious, afraid to leave home, or catch public transport or go near the place where the assault occurred. Some people deal with it matter of factly, and are able to mentally bury it or file it and say: ‘It happened, it’s over, that’s it. I’m going to move on.’ 

But whatever method of processing they use, many survivors of violence find that their view of the world, and specifically their own safety in the world, has changed for the worse. They find it hard to trust the good intentions of people, and often find themselves fearing the worst in ordinary daily situations, or becoming overly suspicious and over cautious in their dealings with others. A lot of the spontaneity and openness and sense of adventure that brings happiness to their lives is damaged. 

Violent experiences affect people long after the events themselves end. And the trauma shapes their attitudes. Expert counselling is not always easily accessible or affordable. And the skills required to heal and restore yourself to equilibrium after a violent incident are possible to learn, but take some time to take effect. 

By encouraging victims of sexual violence to tell their stories in their own words, we hope to provide a space in which this processing can take place, in a public but safe sphere. 

The fact that violence occurs is a social reality and a sad one; but the unprocessed psychological response to it is tragic, if it results in the victim’s joy in life, safety and happiness and freedom to connect with others being damaged in an ongoing way. 

Processing the traumatic impact is necessary for the victim’s future life: for them to really move on, and put the violent incident in a fuller perspective which will enable them to progress and have better experiences in their life - to balance out the negative impact of the violent incident/s. 

To process the trauma, it must be seen as significant, and not normalized or trivialized. But the personal impact of it must also be handled with skill, self awareness, courage and determination. 

The ability to progress in your life after the shocking experience of violence can be measured by the attitude you have towards what happens next. Are you hopeful or fearful? Can you overcome your residual anxiety to experience new opportunities and challenges? 

The violent incident/s should not have happened. And the person who experiences violence should not have to suffer the ongoing effects for the rest of their lives. Fortunately, today many people realize that they have control and choice over how they deal with what they have experienced. And they can learn skills to continually improve the quality of their lives after the experience, and increase the happiness they experience in their life after it.

Some Feedback on this Initiative

 This ESVN campaign has received some helpful and positive feedback from the general public, who have responded with questions which show clear understanding of the reality of the challenges experienced by victims:

‘For a person who has experienced sexual harassment it's tough enough for them to even tell a close friend, let alone share it with a stranger no?’

and

‘What is expected from this initiative? For certain stories shared, it might become clear where it was perpetrated, and the survivor will need to be careful of a backlash.’

This is why the stories are anonymous and are being edited to remove all personal identifying details of both victim and perpetrator. This is not a vindictive campaign designed to punish perpetrators. We hope to create a space for the incidents and the experiences they detail to become common knowledge. 

Some responders were concerned that the campaign would polarize the community:

‘It could be a men's issue too! Half joking! Men and women are both human beings, so perfection in any sphere is a mission impossible’.

and

‘...there's always that grey area as to who did what and is therefore to blame except in extreme or obvious cases - and the interpretation of harassment, which means different things to different people.’

 

Some were concerned that false accusations might be made:

‘It is a fact that while some cases are true, there are others made up by crackpots - men and women.’

 

But our commitment for the protection and security of those reporting has been recognized:

‘This is an excellent cathartic process for the victim. Should you also specify that the abuser (if known) is only identified by initials too? I am just uneasy that this would lead to a vigilante exercise naming/shaming/blaming endorsing a retributive vs restorative justice. Since this is a public domain what are the filters to protect everyone?’

And the deep-seated causes of the normalization of disrespect and the long-term effort needed to remedy it is something many people are aware of. There is no quick fix for this:

‘Saying Stop! does not end the problem. One has to understand the underlying causes and address them by communicating with the perpetrators, victims and other stakeholders.’

Any clarification needed on individual posts (eg regarding factual details of how the incident was reported/handled) will be privately requested by the editors. And all personal identifying details which could threaten the privacy and safety of the victim will be removed prior to the incident being posted on the blog.

Artwork credits

Interview and Flyer

 

Q1 – In a nutshell, how would you define this campaign? What does it do?

We aim to end sexual violence, harassment and assault and make Sri Lanka a safe place to live and work.

 

Is there a chief/pioneering founder of the campaign?

This is a collaborative campaign. We are equals in a collective: a synergistic posse.

Our aim is to go beyond simply raising awareness of the issue to get tangible results and justice for victims. Most collectives and initiatives raise discussion on their platforms while also in the field, so we will work on using our knowledge and complementary experience to get practical results for victims, and improve the overall safety of our society.

To be frank, many women and children and vulnerable persons have been silently putting up with abuse, and should do so no more.

 Even through the recent war, no foreigner was ever targeted, or harmed on purpose, and the country doesn't need or want a bad image that will stop tourists from making this a prime destination.

We feel that the authorities need to step in now, and impose harsh penalties on offenders, and commence an awareness campaign in order to stop this.

This kind of behaviour is an act against our nation and should be declared as such.

We always were thought of as a friendly, hospitable country where people feel safe and relaxed, but now, how can a foreigner feel safe when even a Sri Lankan woman does not?

I am a writer, editor and columnist in SL, and a foreign business owner contacted me a few months ago to ask me to help her edit a letter she wanted to write. Her aim was to raise awareness of the widespread harassment faced by women in SL. And the high degree of violence which seemed normalized in the country. And which was affecting foreign tourists and visitors, and thus the Tourism industry.

At the end of August, the rape of a Russian tourist caused great concern in the local community in the Arugam Bay Area. The other lady and I discussed creating a campaign to address the issues of abuse and harassment that menace our society.

 Sri Lanka unfortunately has high levels of child abuse, domestic violence, and gender-based harassment. Underlying attitudes of misogyny are now starting to be directly challenged, and women are starting to receive the respect and recognition they deserve in society. Our campaign operates directly in that space.

How was it that the group of people who are involved, collectively gathered to be a part of a singular campaign such as this?

For this to succeed, it needed to have a multi-faceted approach. We have activists, journalists and longtime community leaders on board, including members of the Child Protection Force. They are all people we know, and have worked with before. We have respect for each other’s commitment to the long term progress of the country. We come from diverse family backgrounds and socio-economic strata.

 

Q2- How do you think that this campaign will aid in being a part of the proactive solution for the sexual harassment menace in Sri Lanka?

Like many of us, I’ve seen women expressing their outrage and offense regularly on social media at the street harassment they experience in the country, on roads and on public transport. And many of them say that there seems to be no way their concerns can be heard. We hope to provide a path to justice: a way that their stories can be safely shared and then publicly discussed, to highlight the fact that harassment makes people feel unsafe, and that it is something the country can address and remedy.

The group is made up of experienced volunteers who know how to navigate the process of change-making with regard to laws and general policies in Sri Lanka, volunteers who are passionate about making a difference with regard to sexual harassment which is rampant in Sri Lanka.

We are designing a social media campaign aimed at raising awareness of sexual harassment in Sri Lanka, and providing a space for those who have experienced harassment to tell their stories. We started by wanting to give a voice to a group that's often unjustly attacked or ignored: Foreign women. But of course the violence experienced by tourists and visitors takes place in a wider cultural context - and the country itself as a whole needs to become aware that even verbal intimidation and ‘non contact’ harassment through gesture is a form of violence, and that systemic abuse and normalized violation of individual dignity not only lower a country’s reputation but damage the morale of its citizens.

 

                                                         (Flyer design and caption from Mariam Peterson) 

We have created designated email addresses to which incidents of abuse can be reported, and the incoming reports will be edited to protect the safety and privacy of those reporting, and collated into a dossier. We hope to approach the ministries of Justice, Police, Education (incorporating Women’s and Children’s Affairs) and Immigration, and the Secretary of Defence, and the Chairperson of the Tourist Board, and of course the Presidential Secretariat with this information, as part of a combined campaign of reform.

The reports will provide the factual basis for specific recommendations to be made to the relevant authorities, so that action can be taken to improve the reporting and processing of incidents of harassment and assault, and reduce them in number. The document will also be made publicly accessible via digital media to raise community awareness that systemic reform is needed.

It makes us sad when we hear SL is being described as dangerous to visit, and that travellers on international forums are advised to stay away from the country.

This is a complex social issue, but with co-operation and commitment, education and awareness, it can definitely be solved.

The new government has shown its commitment to dealing effectively with other issues which affect our safety - terrorism and the pandemic - so we feel sure that they will approach this menace to the country in the same way, and urge all sectors of the country to co-operate to resolve the issue. It is not a minority issue. It affects all of us who live here and travel here. All of us want a #safesrilankanow.

 Q3- What are the pioneering demographics that are involved in the group of individuals that are a part of this campaign? (age group/social status/gender and etc.)

This is an inter-generational and intercultural initiative. The members range in age from 20 to 60, are gender diverse, many have formally studied feminism, peace and reconciliation, human rights and social justice, and are formally qualified in their professional fields. They include students, journalists, activists, corporate leaders, trained trauma counsellors, writers, educators and those who have been working in the area of women’s empowerment for decades.

 

Q4 – So far, what has the public reaction towards the initiative been like? Positives/Negatives.

Do the general public seem to be interested in actively taking part in campaigns such as this one or is it still the same demographics that seem to be taking part/are enthusiastic about it? Are there any gradual shifts in demographics within the participants?

Our first callout via social media a few days ago received a hugely positive response: the posts were shared hundreds of times on Facebook, and reports started coming into the emails from the first day. Many experienced people are reaching out to us to offer their skills, advice, support and encouragement.

Both men and women are equally committed to the goal of making Sri Lanka a safe place for all. In the process, many of our own personal stereotypes and biases are being challenged, and dissolved, as we work together with our different experiences in our diverse fields and with a common goal. The younger generation are definitely fuelling the energy and enthusiasm, but the older members have resilience and practical wisdom and experience which are also great assets.

So the focus is both short term and long term, and it will be a long campaign to raise community awareness.

1. To show that these incidents of harassment and assault are not one-off cases but examples of a systemic need for change.

2. To raise the accountability and improve the training of police officers who are involved in hearing and recording complaints and charges.

3. To make sure penalties are imposed, and not waived by the justice system.

4. To raise awareness that this is a national need for change, as the current situation is losing us reputation as well as revenue.

5. To create an ongoing media campaign in which information is rolled out regularly over a period of the next 4 years.

 

Q5 – Among the widespread sexual harassment cases in Sri Lanka, child abuse cases are shown to be the most vastly surging type, mostly left unresolved and even unreported, causing the survivors to be retraumatized repetitively for years and years.

What is the focus on child sexual abuse/harassment in this campaign?

Do you plan to make separate special provisions/measures towards being attentive about child abuse/harassment?

The issue of child abuse and familial breakdown is so endemic to the problem of harassment that it is central to our campaign. We have a logo, hashtag and email addresses centered on the idea of #endingsexualviolencenow to create a #safesrilankanow. This campaign includes all local victims of abuse and violence.

We are hoping to work with CPF, UNICEF and organizations such as Grassrooted, Bakamoono, Equal Ground, Sambol Foundation and Think Equal to create educational resources, support services and training courses specifically centered on sexual respect, consent, and ethics in regard to the formative beliefs about self and society that children learn from a young age. Emotional intelligence and emotional and psychological self-awareness and self-management are also skills that can be learned in their healing from trauma and abusive experience.

We strongly believe that victims of harassment must feel safe to tell their stories, and be heard and respected instead of maligned, shamed and ignored. Their security and privacy are protected by the fact that these email addresses are password restricted and the incoming emails are only accessible by 2 of the team. 

We are editing and presenting the stories so that all personal details of individuals are removed from the posts before they are publicly shared on the blog. Victims are often not believed when they speak about their experience, so we encourage everyone writing in to be as factual and specific as possible in their reports of what happened to them: the place, date, time, and setting. Who they went to for assistance. How their complaint was handled. Their actionable recommendations for how it could have been better dealt with.

Credit: This is an interview Dinithi Gunasekera from The Morning newspaper did with Devika Brendon on 27th September, 2020, about the campaign to End Sexual Violence In Sri Lanka.

Emails: endingsexualviolencenow@gmail.com and safesrilankanow@gmail.com 

End Sexual Violence in SL

Violence Makes Sri Lanka Unsafe

Welcome to this site. If you are reading this, you are aware that Sri Lanka is currently experiencing a downturn in tourism. This is because of the shutdowns and restrictions necessary due to the pandemic. We are looking forward to opening up the borders, the airports and our tourism industry again for business. While we prepare for this, we should also look to how we can open with our best practices in place. Unfortunately in recent years, there have been several incidents in which foreign visitors and tourists have been sexually attacked and abused. Sri Lanka is being described on international travel platforms as a dangerous and unsafe place for female tourists to visit.

This is a situation that damages not only our reputation and image, but our self-respect as a nation. If immediate action is not taken, Sri Lanka, with its beautiful landscape and diversity of wonderful positive experiences to offer international guests, is in economic and social danger of being bypassed as a travel destination. High levels of violence - whether due to civil unrest, terrorist attack or the constant incidents of harassment we witness and hear of - are bad for business.

We recognize that the incidents of assault and harassment take place in a context, and are not ‘one off’ incidents. That context involves cultural and sociopolitical factors that will take a long time and systematic reform and education to change. In the meantime, much can be done.

The seriousness of this issue cannot be measured in statistics. It affects the emotional happiness, confidence and safety of our female citizens: our daughters, sisters, nieces, wives and aunts, and our children, grandchildren, cousins and in-laws, and young people of every gender identification who are vulnerable because of their youth and relative inexperience of life. By reading their stories, we can gain an insight into the spectrum of harm caused by harassment in our society.

Harassment is really a form of interference with the body and peace of mind of another human being. It is disrespectful and intrusive. And much of it is not taken seriously because it is not technically physical ‘assault’ or rape. 

For this cultural mindset to change, we need to understand that all forms of harassment and abuse are forms of violence, in their impact on the victims who experience these words and actions.

We are collecting here all the stories and incident reports of assault and harassment in SL in recent months into a document. This will have each story listed separately with all the specifics but no personal details. Each story can be accessed through a title but anyone reading the whole collection will see how big the problem is.

There are 3 parts to the campaign:

1. To collect the reports and stories of sexual violence, harassment and assaults in SL, and send them to the designated email: endingsexualviolencenow@gmail.com.

2. To edit and document the reports and prepare them as an open access resource via this blog. To identify areas in which actionable recommendations for improvement can be made.

3. To write to the Ministries which have vested interests in remedying the situation in SL: Tourism, Police, Justice, Immigration & Education (incorporating Women’s and Children’s Affairs). Ccd to The President, Prime Minister, The Defence Secretary and other relevant authorities.

This document can then be used as a resource for media articles and posts, to raise awareness of how bad the problem is and how damaging it is for the whole country.

It will provide fact-based evidence to make recommendations to the Ministries for change.

We also want to collate helpful information on this site as a PDF document which can be shared with all stakeholders. ‘On the ground’ facts on where to seek assistance and support when faced with violence, harassment and abuse. 

Obviously the ‘most serious’ cases are rape and violence cases. But the ‘less serious’ cases of continual harassment, grabbing, groping, etc. all create an atmosphere of tension and unease for women as well. Witnessing verbal threats and intimidation, prolonged staring and uncouth and lewd public behaviour lowers community morale for local citizens, as well as making foreigners uneasy.

The purpose of this site is to raise public awareness of the ongoing damage caused by endemic harassment and disrespect to women, and children, identify specific areas which can be improved, recommend better training for police authorities who receive the complaints, and provide a space for people to record and process their experiences so that the public can see the range and extent of the problem and how it affects people in our everyday lives.

 

This blog will contain:

 Incident reports

 Anecdotes

Facebook posts

Eyewitness accounts

 Map of the worst affected regions with contact details of police stations located in those regions.

 Links to articles in online and print media which showcase the issues.

 Recommendations and tips for travellers and visitors on who to contact for assistance if needed when faced with violence, harassment or abuse.

Resources related to education on gender equality, consent, and dignity.

 

Information from various community groups which have been doing work in the areas of women and children’s safety, dignity and rights:

 

Emerge

Grassrooted

Bakamoono

Equal Ground

Chatra

Sambol Foundation

CPF (Child Protection Force)

UNICEF

Think Equal

WIN (Women In Need) 

Not Your Nangi

Women’s Chamber of Commerce

Wisdom Wednesdays

Shhhh! Talk About Taboos

BENDR

Report Sexual Harassment In SL

Femcon Sri Lanka

FPA (Family Planning Association)

Colombo and Regional Rotaract

Sumithrayo Foundation

Rotary International

Consortium For Intersectional Justice

SL Unites

Verite Research

Sunera Foundation

Tea Leaf Vision

The Nucleus Foundation

Mankiwwa Citizen-Led Technology

Sisters At Law

It is upsetting to face the reality of the high level of sexual violence in a country that we love, and in which many of us have multi-generational ties. Some people feel that issues such as harassment should not be raised publicly, as doing so harms the country’s reputation. The media do not report many of the incidents, and - on a familial and personal level - the shame and stigma attached to speaking out about being assaulted and abused means that many people feel they have no recourse but to continue to suffer. 

But if a silence is maintained on the matter, no improvement can take place. It is for our collective benefit as a country that we hope to help create a more open discussion and promote a determined cultural effort to change this sad and stressful situation.

Instead of complaining on Facebook and Twitter about it, let’s take positive action now to change it for the better. It’s not a minority issue. It is a major problem affecting the safety and well-being and peace of mind of all of us who live and work in Sri Lanka, and who are committed to #endingsexualviolencenow.